Christmas and your relationship

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If you celebrate Christmas you may have all sorts of expectations of the festive days. Based on your earlier experiences of Christmas you are likely to have a number of associations with Christmas - some positive, some negative. Many couples experience Christmas as stressful for a number of reasons: giving and receiving gifts that are appropriate, concerns about spending a lot of money,  spending time with your partner's family and managing the various chores on the day(s). If you are single and spending Christmas without family, the holiday period can be experienced as intensely lonely.
In this episode we discuss these potential stressors and consider ways of preparing for Christmas as best as possible.


Expectations
You are likely to have a particular script about the way you would ideally like to spend Christmas; this may either be a wish for a corrective experience, now wanting Christmas to be the way you always wanted it to be but never quite got or a wish for the Christmas that you always had as a child and that you want to replicate as best as possible.
Check with your partner what they want to avoid possible disappointments. Agree ahead of the Christmas days what you both wish for.

Gifts
You may have a very clear idea in your head about the kind of present you want to get for your partner. Your partner may have the same thoughts. You may find that your ideas about Christmas presents vary wildly. One of you may be used to getting very extravagant presents; the other may buy a 'small' present. There can easily be disappointments about the presents that are received. It helps to clarify from the outset what your expectations (and means) are and to agree whether you want to surprise each other or indicate what you would like to receive.

Money
Money has a transactional value that goes beyond monetary value. Money has symbolic significance; it can stand in for love, power, success, autonomy, dependence or sexiness. Each of us has grown up with a specific concept of money depending on how it (or the lack of it) was experienced when you are growing up. Partners in relationships need to have conversations about money and how it gets managed in the relationship, in particular when living together.
At Christmas disparities and different ideas about money often come to the fore. Be clear what and how you want to spend your money over the festive period if you often experience challenges in this area.

The wider family - your partner's parents
You may enjoy your partner's family/parents in which case there is no stress around spending extended time together. You may, however, find your partner's family challenging. There will need to be acceptance up to a point that your partner would like to spend Christmas with their family, however, you can also make prior agreements to have time out if and when needed.

Domestic chores
Often stress arises as one partner perceives to do more work in preparing for the day or hosting the event. Develop a plan with your partner agreeing who does what: who does the shopping, cooking, wrapping of presents or looking after the guests on the day.  Make a list of the various tasks ahead of time and agree who manages which task.
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